Ever have one of those really amazing days, but then you get home and crash? You rode too many highs and now the lows are hitting like fast-forward Mike Tyson. Wish you memorized his pattern during your friend's turn now, doncha? And you promised to do all this stuff... including things that involved leaving the house. Heck, let's not shoot for the stars: you spoke of things that involved getting off the couch. That's just silly. Oh well. You said you'd do laundry (even if you did not fold it). You said you'd do dishes (even if you did not do the hand-wash-only stuff). You promised a pregnant woman apples... and apples she shall have, dammit! Just too bad WalMart has those pesky rules about pants, and shirts... clothes in general. Ugh. Motivation, you elusive jerk, where are you now that I need you?!
At the very least you got to call a little boy who was trying to put on some daddy pants "princess." Priceless stuff right there. Maybe one day the rest of the world will catch up to those of us who have integrity, a brain, a spine... Here we are, gods amongst jellyfish. And you know what the hell of it is? I am sick of not tossing the little freaks up on the beach and waiting for the sun to come out from behind that cloud...
Sizzle.
Sizzle.
Sizzle.
How's that learning curve treating you, Scyphozoa?
Start praying for high tide.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Everything I'm learning about parenting comes from Family Guy
Don't let your kid jump on the bed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9JqLMG2vbk
Feed your kid before they feed themselves (never let them have soda):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqTH5ll1StI
Answer your kid the first time:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNkp4QF3we8&feature=related
Baby gates save lives:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cm9ExcTOhsY
Child obesity is a serious problem:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBsAxbQ6m2U
Kids are easily entertained:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PD8W2OogE0
Babies don't like formula as much as breast milk:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn572zrAgHM&playnext=1&list=PL1434071F0CA74CA5
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9JqLMG2vbk
Feed your kid before they feed themselves (never let them have soda):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqTH5ll1StI
Answer your kid the first time:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNkp4QF3we8&feature=related
Baby gates save lives:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cm9ExcTOhsY
Child obesity is a serious problem:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBsAxbQ6m2U
Kids are easily entertained:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PD8W2OogE0
Babies don't like formula as much as breast milk:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn572zrAgHM&playnext=1&list=PL1434071F0CA74CA5
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