Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Things The Keep Me Up At Night

A casual understanding of the creature that is Zach would suggest I do not think. It would appear to some that I run on instinct, acting on whatever whim has taken hold of me at the moment I am in. The long and messy trail of consequences you can usually follow to me would also suggest that I don't care or give a second thought to a thing once it is done. You must understand this: I have an unusual brain. Rare is the occasion on which something will pop into my head and see completion before I move on to the next thought. But I do think. Sometimes I overthink. I used to take 1.5 or more hours shopping because I could not choose. No, it isn't that I don't think, but how I have cobbled together a functioning existence from the broken pieces of a brain that was never quite right before it was damaged.

You could learn much about the way my brain works by how I use my computer. I open my laptop, log in, and open Google Chrome - yes, Google Chrome. SUCK IT Firefox, Internet Explorer, Safari, and if I missed you... YOU ARE TOO SMALL FRY TO BE WORTH NOTICE. *contented sigh, then straightens out clothing*I then proceed to go to Facebook, YouTube, or - if I am actually looking for something and not just fishing for entertainment - I go to Google (Bing... -_- you know what it is). Then something catches my eye. Then something else catches my eye. Then something else... Next thing you know I have 12 tabs open, and it is not until embarrassment sets in that I start actually reading some of these things. Sometimes I will even start reading one article, then see something shiny on the side bar.

However, there are situations in which a thought comes in to my head and persistently exists until I follow through to it's logical conclusion. Recently one such thought emerged. I would have to say it was about May 3rd, 2016 when a thought hit me that made me want to try harder: Amber is catching up. Click the link, look up Zach Nelson, then look up Amber. I'll give you a minute.

Two seconds. Never mind that my bib was on my back, and hers were on her ginormous... -_- She was two seconds faster than me. Then we attended another 5k on the 6th. Throughout the - I hate to call them this - race she went through many stages on the way to completion. But the day after she said she was not as sore as she had been after the Christie Clinic 5k. I keep putting in minimal effort at these things, and she keeps feeling less and less sore. True, I haven't felt sore after a 5k... ever, but that is not the point. The point where my wife scares the crap out of me is: she is improving while I am standing still.

It does not matter where I am standing still. Ask any person who competes professionally - regardless of event, be it sports, chess, or stock car racing - and they will tell you that it does not matter that they are still king of the mountain, every time they see someone gaining momentum - improving - it makes them a little nervous. Don't get me mistake my meaning, I am not going to sabotage her, but to see her catching up to where I am is a little disconcerting. Though that is true, I can't help but think that to train specifically with the goal of staying just beyond reach would be a bit of a dick move. So this is what it is to have competitive feelings towards someone you love: a win-win situation. Proud of them and motivated to improve if they surpass you; proud of yourself that you fended off the whelp for yet another day if they don't surpass you.

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